Folly or Feasible?

I finished Week 5. The run on Friday was miserable. More so even than the eighth interval on W1D1, and I really thought that was the height of misery.

I drove to the flatlands where I’d done so well last week and started my warm-up walk. My quads and calves were so tight, but I figured they’d loosen up by the time I started running.

Wrong.

I fought the urge to stop, figuring they’d soon relax, resigned to the run.

Wrong.

You’d think I’d just stop and stretch and be done with it.

You’d be wrong.

Finally, at the 15 minute mark they relented, and I even ran three extra minutes to get back to my starting point (so there), but that day was a prime example of the mental component involved. And if I hadn’t already run the 20 minutes, I probably would have quit, thinking (claiming) that I just wasn’t ready, rather than pushing through it.

I’m not known for sucking it up, for pushing myself, so I should be feeling a huge sense of accomplishment.

Wrong.

The thrill, it seems, is gone. Instead of focusing on what I can do, I’ve started thinking about what I cannot. Or am not. Either way.

I run so slowly
I’m only running, not getting to the gym in between for any other exercise.
I can’t run farther.
I hate hills, do anything to avoid them.
The blog posts in my head are not getting written.
I wish the scale would cooperate.
Scheduling gets iffy since I’ll only run early morning or late night.
I pour sweat and turn bright red when I run. (aka — I don’t look cute when I run.)
It’s still something I do, not something I enjoy.

Perhaps there is a natural let-down after successfully completing the 20-minute run, which has loomed so large for so long. If so, the timing is a double-whammy for me, since I’m in the midst of six weeks of craziness at work. Objectively I recognize how significant it is that I’ve stuck to the program despite the stress and late nights and exhaustion. Emotionally, I focus on what’s not happening, instead.

What matters, though, is that I continue to go out and complete the program. I didn’t start C25K to lose weight or to win races or to write a daily blog or to become a gym bunny. I started it to be able to run. And that’s what I do three times a week. I run longer and run further each time. I am succeeding at what I set out to do.

That’s right. I am becoming a runner.